Sunday, January 7, 2007

Weekend's coming to an end

already. Where does the time go? I dread the weekend ending in some ways, and in others I look forward to it. I look forward to it because I feel myself getting testy by the end of the weekend since MIL has come. I don't feel like I have hardly any 'Me' time and Jim and I don't get any 'Us' time. It doesn't help that I can feel the good ole PMS starting up. So today I just feel like crying. Frustration has become my middle name.
I feel myself getting short sometimes with MIL, and I try not to. I really do. Maybe I need to take a step back and tell DH that he needs to take over some of the things that are stressing me out, like her meds. Why do I feel like it is my place to make sure she does it correctly? Maybe if I just turn that over to him, I will feel better. I already feel like most of the weekend is full of laundry, cooking and trying to get some cleaning done, even though that doesn't happen like I want it to. My house isn't as clean as I would like it to be, so I know that is part of my stress too.
Some days it just feels like my house isn't my house anymore. I know, I keep telling myself to be patient, but there are days when I wonder if I can this for years and years, but I knew we have to, it's the only thing we can do. It's been 6 mo, the honeymoon period should be over by now shouldn't it? I know some of it probably isn't her fault, with the early Alzheimers and all, but it is hard to get used to that. Some of it though is just her being stubborn, and that's when it feels like my house isn't mine anymore. I try to tread lightly and not say much, I really do, but gosh it makes me feel so jittery and uptight, like I could snap sometimes. I am not sure DH understands that, because it's not like it is his space that is being changed, reorganized...like his garage space and stuff. I can't run my kitchen like I used to.
Sorry for the pity party. But, that is why I put it here, so I could vent to myself and not feel guilty. :)

1 comment:

Dawn said...

ahh I am sorry my friend. Big big hugs and prayers for you.